Biography

In Oct. of 08 I started having trouble breathing but i didn’t think much of it i thought it maybe I needed to exercise It started getting worse so in Nov. I complained to my Dr. He listened to my breathing & said he heard nothing & sent me home. In Dec. It was much worse so I complained & again he listened “There’s nothing wrong. In Jan. it was much worse. Again he listened & same thing “there’s nothing wrong. By Feb I couldn’t take 5 steps without gasping for air If i bent down it felt like there was a truck sitting on my chest. This time I told the Dr. i couldn’t breathe at all again the same thing he listened to my breathing & said I can’t hear anything & sent me home. One day I picked my daughter up from school I walked in to get her & by the time I got in my car I couldn’t breathe at all I sat in the car for a good 10 minutes before i could breathe enough to drive. My daughters were so scared they thought I was going to die on the spot. The next day I had their dad drive me to the hospital & explained what was wrong. When they asked how long this had been going on I told them about 4 months. They said why didn’t you go to the Dr. I told them I had & what he said & they asked if he had ever ordered a chest x-ray & I said no. They were astounded. The er Dr. sent me for one & when she came back with the results I could tell it was not good. She told me the sac around my right lung was completely filled with fluid & they needed to drain it. I was like great you can take it all out then I can go home right? (no such luck). She told me no way we need to find out why it’s there were admitting you. So my kids father being the comforting concerned man that he is said i guess i’ll go home then since your staying. (what a prince) I stayed in the er for about 9 hours. It was a Fri. afternoon so there were plenty of drunks to keep me company. The next day the fun started. They sent me to have a tube about the size of a garden hose put in my side & attached to a plastic box. At the same time they did a bronchioscopy & a lung biopsy. A surgeon came in to tell me they were testing the fluid & had found some white spots in the lining of my lungs & were sending them out for analysis. The next day the Dr. that told me there was nothing wrong with me came in & said um unfortunatly you have cancer handed me a box of tissues& left ( which was a good thing because I might have shoved them up his ass sideways) The next day was hard because my mother & my kids father didn’t visit & I didn’t want to give them the news over the phone so I sat there for a day & a half crying & thinking. Meanwhile they sent me for a vaginal ultrasound & a mammogram & a bone scan & a ct scan of the chest & the abdomen plus a chest x-ray & blood work at 5:30 every morning. They finally came back & told me they found a tumor in my right breast & sent me for a sonogram of the breast the tumor was about an inch & a half. The last test I had in the hospital was to check my heart to make sure it was strong enough to do chemo. The last day I had a biopsy & an infusaport put in.
My chemo was done in the hospital. About a week after being released from the hospital I had an appointment with my oncological surgeon. He explained all my test results & went over the treatment & the surgery options. Depending how the chemo worked & where exactly the tumor was I would either get the lumpectomy or a mastectomy. If i went with the mastectomy there was the possibility of breast reconstruction. He wss terrific he sat with me for a long time & explained everything in detail & let me ask all the wquestions I wanted(unfortunatly I was still too shellshocked to think of any) He also explained that my biopsy was done without a sonogram guide so the surgeon completely missed the tumor & was inconclusive. I had to drive up to his office which was about 100 miles away to get it done again. The morning of my biopsy my 7 yr old daughter had a stomach virus so we had to drag the poor kid up with us. I felt like a complete jackass for making her come but we have no babysitter & this was too important to put off. So we went up & I had the biopsy done which was painless but extremely uncomfortable & disturbing as I could feel him tearing off tiny chunks of the tumor.
At the end of March I started the chemo. I was petrified I had no idea what was going to happen. That part was never explained to me. The chemo was done at the hospital & the one I went to didn’t have a infusion room so I was put in a regular patient room. First they accesed my port with no problem. Then the tried to get blood return which she could not so they took it the regular way from a vein. She then tried to flush with the saline but it burned really bad & she was like that’s not right & tried again with the same result. She went & got the head nurse who also got the same result. Now i’m getting even more nervous so they called in my oncologist who ordered a chest x-ray & a ct scan. So I sat & waited & waited the tv was broke so I was bored while I waited. Finally a surgeon came up & told me that the infus-a port had brok & the cathater was loged against my heart & they had to wait foor thecardiac surgeon to come remove it. The surgeon came & took me down to radiology (not the or I was not to be put under for this) they were to go in through my groin (I knew I should have shaved) they numbed the ares & shaved They let me have my choice of music they have xm radio.they had to lasso the cathater they had the worst time with it . They couldn’t find the right size whatever it was they used. I watched it in the x-ray screen. It didn’t hurt but I could feel them poking into my lungs which was very creepy. That part took about 2 hours. I have a herniated disk & laying flat for that long & having them push down on my hip made my back spasam. The next part wasn’t as long but it was much worse. They had to cut open the first scar. First they covered my face which was the worst thing they could do(i’m clausterphibic). Then hold me down. I saw my blood shoot across my face then i freaked & they had 2 of them holding me down. finally they got the thing out & glued me back together. I stayed over & got my chemo the next day. They have to take your blood & sent it to the lab to make sure everything is ok with the red & white blood cells. This took several hours. Atlast they started the chemo through a vein. It wasn’t bad while it was ging on & I went home after. I didn’t have any side effects I was wiped out from the surgery & lack of sleep. I cant sleep anywhere except my own bed. A few days later I had my new port put in no problems. The next week i went for my 2nd chemo & I was understandably nervous but no problems. then the 3rd. Then on the 4th week I got a week off & thats when my hair started falling out. My hair was very thick & down to my waist. When I brushed clumps would come outI was very upset by this & cried a great deal. I had my friend cut it for me on Easter. She put it in a braid & cut it up tp my collar. It looked pretty good. Didn’t last though. Everywhere I walked i left a trail of hair my place on the couch was covered with hair. it got so bad i had to sweep behind myself. Finally I just couldn’‘t take it anymore & took the clippers & there was no more hair.I hated to look at myself in the mirror but at the same time I couldn’t look away. I cried & cried I couldn’t stand myself. I was disgusted with the way I looked & the way I felt.
By the begining of the 2nd month of chemo I was really feeling pretty lousy. I was tired all the time my joints ached so bad I could barely get up in the morning with out a pain pill.My vision was getting worse I can’t remember a thing. I thought maybe it was just me but I have read about several other people with the same problem & they called it chemo brain. A pretty good name. I have just completed my 3rd month of chemo.I did a brac analysis test lastmonth to see if this cancer was a genetic mutation that could be passed on to my daughters. The test was negative so thats good news for them. My Dr. had said I would be
starting hormone therapy but now he says I need a ct scan & may need to do more chemo. The chemo also caused me to have high blood pressure. I was prescribed many different meds until we found the ones that worked. Last week when i tried to have them refilled the pharmacist said i wasn’t eligible. So I called the insurance company to straighten this out & the person I spoke to said I had been deleted. Wow i’ve been deleted & no one bothered to let me know. I have been calling & leaving msgs. they tell me someone will call me back but now it’s the weekend & I don’t know what to do. I am scared I have no idea if they cut me off for good or if it was a mistake. If anyone is reading this I hope I havn’t bored you to tears.I just thought It would be good talk too some other people in my situation. All my “friends” have disapperaed.It’s like they think cancer is contagious. I don’t know if they are scared of talking to me because i’m sick or it’s too depressing. Everyone i have told about my cancer looks at me like i’m going to drop dead in front of them. I wondered if anyone else has this same problem. I feel like a different person now. I can’t talk to “regular” people anymore I don’t feel like I have anything in common with them. I hope someone gets something from this & if anyone feels like chatting i’d be thrilled to hear from you. Please excuse my wretched typing. Good luck to all reading this & be well.

Cancer Symptoms

pleural effusion

Surgery Description, Dates & Side Effects

lumpectomy On Sept. 15 2009

Chemotherapy Description, Dates & Side Effects

Abraxane & Avastin Both drugs on week 1 just Abraxane on week 2 Both drugs on week 3 week 4 I get a break. The chemo went that was for 3 months now I get a ct scan of the chest then he decides if I need more chemo or we start the hormone therapy. My oncologist decided since I was having a hard time with my insurance. (they cut me off for a month) & I couldnt get the ct scan to see if I start the Tamoxifen that I should do another month of chemo.

Comments:

Hi Colleen, I just wanted to say hello and tell you that when I first found out that I had cancer, I found this site and that yours was the very first blog that I ever read on here,
I hope and pray that you are doing well, take care.

Eli

Posted on October 28, 2009 at 2:56:14 PM by eli

hi, colleen. i have just been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. wanted to let you know i am still praying for you. hope to hear from you soon. keep the faith. debby

Posted on October 14, 2009 at 8:35:35 PM by debby

Hi Colleen, I just read your blog as today is the fist time I have been on here. I am so sorry for what you have had to go through. Even though we have never met I wish I could have been there for you to hold your hand or give you hug or tell those Dr’s to do their jobs properly and with a little compassion. I hope you will email me if you need to talk. I too have had cancer and went through some hell. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Posted on September 18, 2009 at 6:23:51 PM by Valerie Bennett (unverified)

Hey, Colleen!

How are you doing? Have you had your MRI yet? It’s been a little while since you’ve updated and I just wanted to let you know you’re in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace,
Kathy

Posted on August 6, 2009 at 4:28:17 AM by curlygirl

Hi Colleen,

Also check out Larry’s profile. Hes a stubborn sob like me and has some great info there. Heres the link.

http://users.blogforacure.com/larryp777

Take good care,
Carlos

Posted on August 2, 2009 at 2:34:42 PM by h0use0fpa1n

Hi Colleen, I also wote this reply on my page because I wanted to share it with everyone that is supporting me.

I can relate to your frustration. Trying to get a doctor to sit down and give you time to ask questions and give you advice is nearly impossible because of the way our health care system is structured. The doctors do not get paid according to how many patients they cure or even how good they are in their specialty. They get paid according to how many patients they see and how many procedures they perform. Its scary to think, but the sicker their patients are, the more treatment they need, the more the doctors get paid. So its no surprise that you will wait an hour to see your doc, and then you’ll watch him gracefully say anything possible to get you out the door as quickly as possible. Dont get me wrong, Im not trying to bash the medical community. Its not their fault that the system is set up this way. But at the same time you should realize that doctors just like most other professions, for the most part, chose their career so they could live well, prosper, and make money for themselves and their families. I honestly have no idea how to fix this problem, nor do I want to try. But I can easily forsee a future 2000 years from now, where people will look back in shock and amazement at the crude and barbaric ways we are now treating diseases like cancers and viruses.

Regarding your question on whether the natural foods, fruits, veggies, and supplements that Im taking would really help prevent or even destroy cancer, it is hard to say. But when I think how modern medicine chooses to attack this disease, by zapping us with radiation, and loading our bodies with toxic chemotherapy, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if it does work. I believe in it more than I believe in the doctors thats for sure. I will follow all their treatments to the T, but I will also continue to research this subject and eat every single food, drink, or natural supplement that has shown any kind of promise, and at the same time avoid anything that can do more harm.

My favorite and the most enlightening book Ive ever read is called, “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand. I mention it because I cannot just sit around during treatment, or get on with my work, or just put my faith in so called “modern” medicine. It bores me to do so and its also depressing. I battle my anxiety and negative feelings with action and that exhilarates me. If there is a problem I must deal with, everything else gets put aside. Then I will take every action, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem, to fight the battle until I win. Even if I am wrong, the prospect that there is something that I CAN DO, is very therapeutic and an excellent way for me to overcome feelings of stress and anxiety.

So my advice to you Collen, and everyone out there who is in this battle, is to forget everything else, and fight the battle at hand. Use the internet, get information, get second opinions, explore alternatives, clinical studies, and do everything within your power to win this battle for your life.

So Colleen, keep us all posted on how youre doing, and stay tuned, I will keep you informed of anything I find out in my relentless search to blog4aCure!

Posted on August 2, 2009 at 2:13:51 PM by h0use0fpa1n

Your very welcome Colleen,

It’s nice and comforting to know a little about our doctors since they have our life in their hands.

Ron

Posted on July 30, 2009 at 11:59:36 AM by roncancerfree

Hi Colleen,
That is okay. I remember what it was like with young kids. When I think back now I wonder sometimes how I got through it. My girls were at least juniors in high school when I had cancer the first time. That helped some.
I am doing good. We had visitors for a week from July 11-18. Ellen (the widow of my late son) and my grandson, Chase, flew in from Mississippi. I had not seen them in 2 1/2 years and it was so wonderful to see them again. Chase will be 13 in August and he is a little taller than me now. We were on the go a lot and it just wore me out. It took a week to rest up….LOL.
Take care, my friend. My love, thoughts and prayers are always with you even when you don’t hear from me.
Hugs,
Joyce In NC

Posted on July 30, 2009 at 4:11:34 AM by joyce

Dear Colleen,

just read your bio – phew! I don’t know what to say. Some parts remind me of what I went through (the incompetent uncaring doctors; feelings of self loathing and ugliness; realisation that this is YOUR life that they’re treating so casually, etc). Other parts I can’t begin to imagine how you dealt with, like having young kids to look after without a partner who supports you.

Doctors are not all bad – you mention one was really brilliant for you and took time etc – but my experience is as you have found, which is they are sometimes no more skilled that a plumber trying to determine the source of a leaky cistern: they guess, then guess again, and again, and again….finally they hit on the approach they should have taken to start with and they get there (with no apology, naturally!).

Anyhow I just wanted to let you know that in my case I had an earlier colon cancer that I didn’t mention in my bio. It was when i was 28 yrs old and I made a full recovery but it took the doctors over 13 months (!) to find out I had a tumour…I was chronically anaemic and if I hadn’t been a keen runner I would not have known I was definitely ill and insisted they keep checking and doing more checks and procedures (I had them all, I could write a book!). I ended up collapsing at home so they finally had to operate on me and found the tumour which was the size of a golf ball (I am also a keen golfer but I didn’t keep it).

I also never had to do chemo, so my heart goes out to you. It’s so good to know there are people out there who share our experiences isn’t it? As they say in all the best sci-fi movies “we are not alone”.

love to you and keep writing!

sean

Posted on July 30, 2009 at 2:41:14 AM by sean41

Hi Colleen,
I hope you are doing well. I am doing good. I really enjoyed the visit from my family. I have been resting up this week. I get tired so easily and have to rest often. That is aggravating at times but I am so thankful just to still be around.
Take care, my friend. Have a good weekend and stay cool. It is HOT here.
Love, hugs and blessings,
Joyce

Posted on July 25, 2009 at 12:12:01 PM by joyce

Hi Colleen,

Welcome to our online community! I’m sorry you’ve had the tough experiences with pre-treatment – the port experience sounds oh so painful…I can’t even imagine how you must have felt. :(

I’m glad you found this community….there are really great, supportive people here. Hope you find comfort in the friendship of the nice folks here.

Also, thank for your recent comments on my blog about the hair topic. Yesterday, I received a really cute cap and scarf I ordered….just in case I need to shave my head. I liked your comment about how your son likes to your pet your head…that’s so sweet! :)

You take good care and keep us posted! Stay well and strong and I look forward to reading more of your blog.

Kind Regards,
Kim

Posted on July 17, 2009 at 9:36:46 PM by kim951

Hi Colleen
I have never been on any blog before and decided to see if anyone was going through what I am currently experiencing and found you. I am on the same chemo treatments. Just lost my hair and devastated as you can relate. My bc recurrence happened almost 4 years ago in lungs bone and then brain. Its so exhausting. I too have a young child. Id love to chat even if via email. Im sure you are busy. Many healthy regards, Lori

Posted on July 13, 2009 at 4:44:08 PM by lori reggio (unverified)

Just letting you know yoru bio blog was NOT boring to tears.. Just compassion for the writer.
I hope you can find a way to balance your health with mama time. That is a hard one.
Can it really be the laundry still needs done?!
where is the cancer fairy that comes and cradles us and magically gets all the tasks done in the house?
I need to get off and do laundry myself.The kids are cleaning their shared room and learning that bickering does not make a happy mom. :)
They share a room out of choice..leaving the other room for toys/play. ( 7 and 8 yrs old) Why did I agree to that?
Thinking of you.
BARB R

Posted on July 13, 2009 at 7:28:28 AM by Anonymous

Hi Colleen,
You poor darling. I just read your blog. You have been through so much. I don’t know your age but you look young. I really don’t understand why on earth that doctor didn’t order a chest x-ray. Sometimes you have to tell them what to do. I don’t understand why they didn’t put you to sleep for the biopsy. I have had Breast Cancer twice. They knocked me completely out for both my biopsies. If they had treated me like they did you, I think I would have hit someone.
I am sorry about your friends. I guess it is hard for people who are not familiar with cancer to understand. I know there are some few people that do think cancer is contagious.
This is a wonderful place here with so many loving and caring friends who are ALWAYS here to suppose you and answers any questions you may have if they know the answers. Stay in touch and let us know how things are going for you. We do care. My love, thoughts and prayers are with you. If I can be of any help to you, let me know.
Hugs,
Joyce In NC

Posted on July 5, 2009 at 8:51:23 PM by joyce